Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
