He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
