I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
