Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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