you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
