Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
