He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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