No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
