just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
