Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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