I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
