Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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