addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
