They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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