Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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