DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
