It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize