i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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