Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
