upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
