She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
