allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he shaved USA in his pubs
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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