I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
