What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
