You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
