Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
