My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
