I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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