He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I currently don't understand fingers.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
