yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize