I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So much Jack, so little girl.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
