i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
