You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
