I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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