Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
