Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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