i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
