We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
