I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
