I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
