AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
