He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
