he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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