I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
