Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I did not marry a roomba.
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