drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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