I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
