dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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