you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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