She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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