So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
