I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
