Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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