mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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