Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
ok first of all what the fuck
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
