I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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