honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
