when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
