a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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