That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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