just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
