just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Houston, we have a squirter
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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