I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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