My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
