Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
