but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
