I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
