I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
3pm strippers are depressing
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sex in a hospital.. check
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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