Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
