so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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