Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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