You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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