So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i barfeds in our rink
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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