the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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