weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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