The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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