Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
