I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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