Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Come see our sink grown plant.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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