im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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