While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
