things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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