All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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