Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
