so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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