I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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