I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
