i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize