The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
