I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
