Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
