You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
